That's right...the title of this post is not a typo. I am talking about soul. And solitude.
Being alone for the last 7 months, I have learned a lot about myself. Things that I thought I once was not capable of are now within arms reach. I am looking at myself with new eyes now. Re-assessing my life, my goals, my dreams.
I have always been somewhat of an independent person. I never really felt the need to have a gaggle of friends around me at any given time. Call me weird, but I enjoy my alone time. The world is so hectic at times, that it is easy to get lost in the day to day obligations of life. For my own mental & physical well being, I need to make myself do things, even though I may not feel like doing them. Like the Will Do List I made for 2012, who my friend, Yvonne encouraged me to make. One of the things on my list is to do at least 30 minutes of exercise. Every. Single. Day. This is my one chance, no matter what I have going on in my life, that I can be alone and just breathe. It amazes me how something so small can be so wonderful for our minds. And usually, I will walk longer than the 30 minutes, because even though I was hesitant to go outside when it is 10 below zero, I am now out and bundled up and I feel so good! The endorphins are flowing and life is good!
Another aspect of my life that has changed since my new-found singleness, is re-discovering my passion for food (which I have previous blogged about in the post Food Porn). I am looking at food in a whole different way now. Something has made me get to the weight I am, and now I am aware of what I am putting into by body every day. I have to be. Instead of living to eat, I am eating to live. It isn't too late to change my habits as I hope to live a long life, so the change begins NOW.
I am also trying to weed the negativity out of my life. This can be something as simple as keeping my house clean to the people that I associate with. I need to be around people who bring out the best in me, and although there may be the Negative Nellies in the world who are prepared to suck the life blood from your existence, you must learn to brush them off and look past them. Those people are just miserable in their own life, and they live to make other people the same way.
I am beginning to live my life from my heart and soul. I am trying to banish the thoughts that I was a bad wife, that I wasn't worthy of love, that I was too big for someone to love me. I hope someday that I will find someone who will love me for who I am and not for who I once was. This is me. Embrace me.